Sober January is a disaster.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
