I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
