i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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