He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
