xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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