I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
