Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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