you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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