Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
