im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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