Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
