She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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