You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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