I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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