Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
