these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
