wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
