so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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