You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Holy shit dude........stairs
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