mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
