dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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