Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
