did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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