we're blogging at a bar
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
