thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize