my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
