It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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