he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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