I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize