We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
