your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
