Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
