you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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