just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
