I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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