I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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