Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
