You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
