: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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