Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
