it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
