Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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