The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he puts the penis in happiness.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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