I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
