my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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