Soap is not a condiment
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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