yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
