thus making me awesome and them whores
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
