explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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