dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
