How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
