i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
