If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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