He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
