So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
