I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize