I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
