Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
