Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
