What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
