I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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